Poliwrath - 11/115 - Holo Rare

Poliwrath is one of those pokemon I wouldn''t want to encounter in real life. It''s a mean angry ball of blue muscle with beefy arms that can and will crumple you into a ball of fleshy goo just for looking at it funny. I don''t want none of that!This being part of the Unseen Forces set, Poliwrath''s holofoil art shows him bursting out from super-cool metallic water after having stalked you for a few miles, in an attempt to take your lunch money and/or doubleslap you silly.Usually, at least one attack name on any pokemon card makes me giggle because of how weird or ridiculous it sounds. Poliwrath''s "Spiral Swirl" Pokebody fits the bill since it''s as redundant as saying "round circle" or "hot fire". It has a neat effect though, if Poliwrath gets knocked out by an attack, the attacking pokemon gets confused. How does that happen? My guess is that the battle is so intense that when Poliwrath is hit he goes flying into the air dramatically, the attacker looks at the spiral on Poliwrath''s twirling body and gets hypnotized somehow.Or maybe your opponent''s pokemon has brain damage by now from being smacked around by those giant hands.Anyway, if you don''t want to sound like a goob in a Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercial and have to say "I use my Spiral Swirl ability!", then you''d better not let Poliwrath get knocked out. Luckily Poliwrath has a meaty 120HP to keep that from happening.Giant fists do lots of damage, Poliwrath''s attacks can do even more damage to pokemon he really doesn''t like. Beatdown, a straightforward name for a good old fashioned butt-whomping, does 40 damage for the cost of 2 energy. It''s fine, but it can do 70 damage if the defending pokemon is a Dark-type or has "Dark" in its name! I imagine this is why Team Rocket stays away from the water (except Jessie and James in their Magikarp submarine...no one bothered to tell them about this vicious Poliwrath lol).Then we have the fearsome Hyper Splash which brutally splashes your opponent''s pokemon really, really hard! Seriously? Hyper Splash? Why not something less terrible like Hyper Soak or Hyper Wetter or Hyper Sprinkler? Okay, those are all terrible too. It does 60 damage for only 3 energy, and if the defending pokemon is a Stage 2 it takes 90 damage! That''ll knock-out lots of tough evolved pokemon in 2 hits, and sometimes in 1 hit if there''s weakness!Best of all, neither attack has any crazy penalty like discarding energy or doing recoil damage or having to flip a bunch of coins. Poliwrath is just plain good at beating down his opponents. You''ll need a Water/Fighting deck or some special energy in there to cover the two kinds of energy needed for its attacks though.Even if you don''t get to use the extra attack-effects, the high HP, sneaky Pokebody, and useful Hyper Splash make it a good card.Unfortunately, Poliwrath doesn''t have any resistances and a weakness against Psychic pokemon, which is a type you''ll battle against often. But I guess it''s less embarassing to lose to a super-powered Alakazam than a tiny Grass-type Bellossom.